Something Passionate
by ScarredAngelWings
Summary: Kurt hates Sebastian and lets him know it every time they speak. He refuses to believe that Sebastian has any interest in him. Sebastian is determined to prove his true feelings, even if it take a few rounds of angry sex from Kurt before he can start to show that he really does care and hopefully get Kurt to realize that the passion he mistook for hate might actually become love.
1. Prologue: The Breakup

**Story Warnings PLEASE READ!: There will be quite a bit of swearing in this story. There will also be sexual content. It's rated M for a reason. The Prologue is pretty tame, but Chapter one contains both of the things I just warned about as will most of the chapters. DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! This is my first M rated story so let me know how I do!**

**Prologue: The Breakup**

"I kissed Sebastian." The words tumbled from Blaine's lips in a single exhale of air, tangling together in his rush to expel the sentence from where it had very obviously been lodged in his throat all night.

It was date night. Usually this meant lots of cuddling and kisses. Tonight Blaine had barely touched me. His eyes wouldn't meet mine. I'd known something was very wrong from the moment I'd seen his face when he'd shown up at my doorstep like he did every other weekend. I could see the guilt written across his expression like he'd printed it there in bold letters. Knowing it was coming didn't lessen the pain of the blow though.

There was a time I would have forgiven Blaine for cheating on me. I would've been hurt certainly. I might have cried. I would have needed space for a few days. But eventually we would've moved past his mistake and tried to fix our relationship. After all it had just been a kiss. That time was long past though. Our relationship had been slowly breaking apart for a while now and this was just the finally stab it needed to officially kill it. Blaine's infidelity was the point of no return. Our fragile relationship could never recover from this.

"You're leaving me." It wasn't a question. His voice was sad but resigned.

"No. _I'm_ not leaving you and you aren't leaving me. This is _both_ of us ending it. We both know this isn't working. You didn't just get caught up in a moment with Sebastian. If it wasn't him it would have been someone else. You want me to break up with you. That's the reason you did it. You aren't happy but you didn't want to be the one to end this. You want me to do it but we both know this is a mutual thing." I tiredly massaged my temples in a pathetic attempt to expel my incoming headache. "Look at us. We're miserable. It breaks my heart that this is the way you've chosen to end our relationship but we eventually would have had to face the fact that we don't love each other. Not anymore, if we ever did. Our relationship had its good moments but we were always missing something crucial."

"Passion," Blaine murmured. He looked tired as he rubbed his tear swollen eyes. "It's the crucial something we lacked. We've never had any passion between us and we're both people who need that in a relationship."

He was right. Our relationship had been utterly boring. We'd cared about each other. We'd been sweet and romantic and for a time that had kept us happy. We'd both desperately been longing for fire though. We never had those frantic rip-off-each-others-clothes-and-fuck-each-other-into-the-mattress moments. We'd never been that emotional at all when we kissed or had sex. The kisses were all frustratingly chaste. The sex was always sweet and slow and absolutely dull. Even our fights lacked spark. We sometimes had terse disagreements and moments of irritation at each other but there was never fury or anger. We'd never raised our voices or had been so infuriated that we were tempted to smack each other. There were no strong emotions in our relationship. It was boring. It was sad. It lacked a very important thing. Passion.

"We were always better off as friends," I finally said to break the silence following Blaine's remark.

He nodded slowly. "Getting together was a mistake." He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I don't know if you want to hear this but kissing Sebastian wasn't just a calculated plan meant to goad you into dumping me. I really like him."

I didn't say anything for a moment. I didn't really know how to feel. "Well now you can have him," I finally replied. There was no bitterness in my words.

Blaine smiled at me sadly. "Thing is, he doesn't really want me. The wooing was all just a game for him. He thinks I'm boring. He told me the only reason he pursued me was because he was amused by how much it pissed you off."

I felt a surge of anger. That stupid bastard, getting off on seeing me furious. Everything about him infuriated me. Everything he did made we want to strangle him. He was the most arrogant, insulting, obnoxious spoiled rich brat I'd ever had the misfortune to meet.

Something close to a smile was twisting Blaine's mouth oddly as he gave me a strange look I couldn't decipher. "You two might be good for each other."

"Excuse me?" I glared.

"You have to admit, you certainly have passion between you."

"Sure, passionate _hate_," I retorted. "Romantic relationships should have positive passion not the kind that makes you want to murder each other. He's pretty much my arch nemesis."

Blaine didn't say anything for a while. We both sat on opposite sides of my bed lost deep in thought. Finally he stood up. His face was blank. His eyes were still sad. "I'm sorry it had to be this way Kurt. I'm sorry we had to make each other so unhappy before we could realize that it wasn't working."

I just nodded. "I'm sorry too. I can't say I'm not angry at you for what you did but I know things will be ok with us in the end as friends. Because that's all we were ever meant to be to each other."

"It's too bad we couldn't see that before. And I don't expect you to forgive me yet but I really am sorry I ended things that way." He stood there awkwardly for a moment before turning on his heel and walking away. I didn't walk him to his car as usual. I just waited for the sound of the front door shutting before I collapsed onto my bed feeling numb. I hoped Blaine and I hadn't ruined our ability to be friends with each other. I also hoped I'd be able to avoid Sebastian Smythe when I returned to school Monday. If I was forced to interact with him I wasn't sure I'd be able to reign in my wrath.


	2. Chapter 1: Like You Hate Me

**Author's Note****: So a little explanation to keep you from being confused. I don't really have a 'specific time' in the show where this story is taking place. It's after Kurt leaves for Dalton. But in my story Sebastian was already at Dalton when Kurt enrolled. So that's where they met. Kurt never returns to McKinley.**

**There isn't much confirmation in the show about whether the students live at Dalton or not. In my story I'm saying that they do but they are allowed to go home for the weekends. In the Prologue I mention that they're at Kurt's house and that it's the weekend but I felt I should specify here to resolve any confusion about it. I felt that by having them live at Dalton Sebastian and Kurt would be forced to have more interaction.**

**I also don't know how their classes work so I decided to have them split their classes between two days. So they have a block of classes that they'll go to one day and a different block for the next day.**

**If you're confused in anyway feel free to review or send me a PM and I'll try to clarify the best that I can. This is my first Glee fanfiction so we'll see how it goes. I'm putting my Axel/Roxas stories on hold for a bit to work on this one because I tend to want to write about whatever pairing I'm currently obsessing over and my obsession has turned to Kurbastian. XD**

**This chapter is DEFINITELY rated M. There is a lot of swearing. There is going to be hate sex. If you can't handle that then please don't read! Also, another warning: I think Kurt's pretty out of character here. **

**Song for this chapter is Fuck Me Like You Hate Me by Seether.**

**Chapter 1: Fuck Me Like You Hate Me**

I swirled around the contents of my coffee cup and glared daggers at Sebastian Smythe who was sitting at our study table after Warbler Practice with an arm slung around the shoulders of my friend and roommate, Jeff. The blond shifted in his seat looking mildly uncomfortable. He knew what had gone down between Sebastian and Blaine and about our break up. He wasn't exactly please with the snarky head warbler at the moment but he was slightly intimidated by him and therefore kept his mouth shut as Sebastian rambled about his gay bar adventures.

"Why's everyone so serious?" Sebastian finally asked, noticing the silence of everyone at the table. Everyone being me, Blaine, Jeff, and Nick. "Are you all _that_ disappointed about the dream team breaking up?"

"Shut up," I said calmly as I took another sip of coffee.

An annoyingly smug grin spread across his stupid meerkat face. "So the rumors are true? Klaine is no more? It wasn't because of little old me was it?"

"You certainly did your part in helping it along," I spat, unable to keep up my calm facade. "You got what you wanted. Blaine and I aren't together anymore. Then you didn't even want your prize. I can't believe you caused me so much grief just to turn Blaine down in the end you arrogant _asshole_!"

He shrugged. "I never said I was after Blaine did I"

"I can't believe you," I said in disbelief. "You stupid chipmunk! You were very _obvious_ about pursuing him even though he was _my_ boyfriend."

"Stupid chipmunk?" He burst out laughing, sliding his arm away from Jeff so that he could lean closer to me across the table. "I promise you this Snow White. It wasn't your dwarf here that I was after. I like a little more fire in my guys."

"Holy hell," Jeff breathed suddenly. His eyes were huge as he gaped at my enemy in shock. "You don't mean..."

Sebastian smirked and sat back, his eyes locked on mine. "Blondie here gets it." He reached up to ruffle the other boys hair only to be swatted away by Nick.

"I know you're a notorious boyfriends stealer but _please. Y_ou've touched mine enough today Seb," he scolded. "Hands off."

"Only because it's you," Sebastian winked and Nick rolled his eyes.

I glanced over at Blaine only to find him staring into space with a small frown. "You like Kurt," he finally said quietly.

Everyone at the table turned to look at him. Sebastian laughed. "Ding ding ding we have a winner!"

I gaped at him in shock. He was always insulting me, telling me I had a bad case of the 'gay face' and teasing me about my 'girl clothes'. He'd always seemed anything but attracted to me. This had to be another one of his stupid jokes. I narrowed my eyes at him. "I don't want any part of your sick games."

I stuck my nose in the air and stood abruptly. "I'll see you guys later. The overwhelming stench of Slut is making me feel ill," I sneered in Sebastian's direction. "I don't know what you're playing at pretending to be interested in me but back off. I HATE you and I always will."

I heard the angry sound of what could only be Sebastian's footsteps following me and I stalked from the room but I didn't look back, just picked up my pace. I'd almost made it to my bedroom when he finally caught up to me. Strong hands with long slim fingers gripped my shoulder tightly and roughly flipped me around mid stride, making me stumble.

"What is your problem?" I spat. "Aside from the obvious."

Sebastian was scowling. "You're such a judgmental bastard. You act like I'm the son of Satan just because I tease you a bit and flirted with your boyfriend. I'll have you know that _he's_ the one who kissed me that night. I don't understand why you're so damn hateful!"

I gave a scathing laugh as I tried to pry his firm grip from my shoulder. "I don't need to list all of the reasons I don't like you. You're much too..." I trailed off with a frustrated huff, distracted by my inability to loosen his grip. "Let go of me!"

"No!" He brought his other hand up to grab my other shoulder and pushed me back against the wall. Hard. My hands circled his wrists and I dug my fingernails into his skin.

Our breathing was erratic, both of us angry and flustered. "Let go. NOW!"

"I'm trying to talk to you here. Just look at me." I continued avoiding his gaze, digging my nails deeper into his skin. "Look at me!" he snarled.

"No," I said sullenly with a childish pout.

"Why are you so. Damn. Stubborn?" he asked angrily, pulling me forward and slamming me into the wall again between every word.

I squirmed and flexed my fingers. I could feel my nails finally breaking skin. Blood welled up around my fingernails but I refused to release him until he let go of me. His grip on my shoulders only tightened though as he continued to shake me, slamming me into the wall.

"Get you're filthy hands off me Sebastian! I hate you!" I screeched. I tried once again to squirm out of his hold and my front pressed up against him.

We both froze for a moment. His eyes flickered downwards and suddenly his smirk was back, stretched tauntingly across his stupid, unfairly sexy, meerkat face. "You like this." He wasn't asking. The proof had just brushed against his leg.

I closed my eyes and willed my unwanted erection to go away. "No! It's just... the... adrenaline," I spluttered.

He shoved me against the wall again and when I felt the warmth of his breath against my ear my eyes snapped back open. "You want _me_." He pulled back and looked down at me with an irresistible smolder in his eyes. "All of your denials are lies. Look at this. Perfect tame little Kurt Hummel getting hard from being shoved around. Didn't realize you were into that kind of..."

My hands unhooked themselves from his slightly bloody wrists and I forcefully grabbed the sides of his face, digging my nails into his cheeks the same way they'd been buried in his wrists, and slammed my lips against his so hard that it hurt. He was still for a moment, temporarily stunned, before he threw himself into the kiss. His body was flush against mine, pinning me to the wall. I could feel the hard on that he was sporting rub against mine and I moaned into his mouth. His tongue darted forward and I bit down on it. I could feel his grin against my lips and I snapped at him again, this time catching his bottom lip between my teeth when I brought them together forcefully. I tasted blood. He seemed to like that as he bucked his hips against mine.

"I still hate you," I panted in reminder as I gripped his tie in my hand and dragged him into the room Jeff and I shared. The door slammed shut behind us.

"Don't worry Princess. I know that's what you think. Just keep telling yourself that," Sebastian chuckled as he ripped my shirt open, sending buttons bouncing across the room. He'd already gotten the blazer off and it lay discarded on the floor.

"You're so obnoxious," I mumbled as I fumbled with his clothes. I attempted to pull it open the way he'd done to mine but in my haste I ripped the material, literally tearing his clothes off. Sebastian didn't seem to care. He just shrugged off the shredded clothing and started on our pants.

We were naked in a matter of seconds. I admired the long lean muscles of my enemy, soon to be lover and felt his eyes rake my form as well. Sebastian tackled me onto the bed, his lips sucking and nipping at every available inch of skin. I panted and groaned as he marked me, enjoying the attention. When a warm finger slid around the puckered edge of my entrance I snorted and pushed him over. "No way am I bottoming to _you_," I informed him as I pushed down on his chest with both hands, hovering over him.

We wrestled for a little while, pulling hair and biting at bare skin. In the end he ended up above me, pinning me down with a surprising amount of strength and a smug grin. "You are today."

He pushed three fingers into my mouth and I bit him as hard as I could. He winced a little but didn't pull back. I glared up at him as I flicked my tongue along his fingers, wetting them. Fine. Let him do what he wants. I'd get back at him somehow.

"There's a good boy," Sebastian cooed mockingly. I bit his fingers again, harder this time in retaliation and reached up to dig my fingernails into his back. His skin was soft and smooth under my hands.

Sebastian growled a little at the pain and shoved two fingers into me without warning. I cried out, eyes watering and tried to relax. "I hate you!" I complained.

He just chuckled and started to stretch me. It wasn't long before he had four fingers inside of me and I was thrusting against them in earnest. He brushed my prostate and I cried out. "Ahhh just fuck me already!"

Sebastian's eyes widened, his pupils blown with lust. "Lube" he growled. "Where's your lube? And condoms?"

"Top drawer," I choked out.

He fumbled for the drawers in the bedside table with his free hand and came up with a bottle of lube and a packaged condom. I watched hungrily as he rolled the condom on with only one hand without a hitch and started lubing up. He slipped his fingers from my body and replaced it with his slicked up cock. I half expected him to just shove it in without any thought for my pain but he was pleasantly slow at first. As my body relaxed and got used to him he sped up. In a matter of minutes I found myself writhing in pleasure as he fucked me into the mattress with such force that I doubted I'd be able to walk tomorrow. One hand gripped the underside of my raised left thigh and the other worked furiously at my hard, weeping dick.

"Harder!" I begged. "Harder Bastian!"

"God Kurt I don't want to break you," he panted.

"Fuck me like you hate me!" I screamed, thrusting frantically along with him. Sweat trickled down my forehead, making my hair stick to my skin. Sebastian was sweating too. It smeared the bloody claw marks I'd left on his cheeks when I'd grabbed his face to kiss him for the first time.

He growled and changed angle, our chest pressed together as he slammed inside of me repeatedly. His grip on my hips was sure to leave bruises. He bit my neck so hard I could feel his teeth break skin. For some unfathomable reason the feeling turned me on.

"Bastiannnnn!" I wailed, raking my fingernails down his back.

"Fuck," he moaned. "Fuck fuck fuck Kurt I'm gonna cum."

"M-m-me toooo," I cried.

He reached up to give one last twist to my cock as he thrust into me so deeply that I could feel the hard ridges of his hipbones against my ass and we both climaxed at the same time. Cum splattered my stomach and Sebastian's hand.

"Oh my god!"

Sebastian didn't even bother to turn and see who'd walked in on us as he pulled out of me. He just closed his eyes and relaxed, letting his entire body weight down on me, his head nestled beneath my chin. He was heavy but not uncomfortably so. In fact I kind of liked the heat of his body against mine. In the hazy warmth of our afterglow I looked up to see what poor unfortunate soul had just witnessed the end our frantic fucking.

Jeff's mouth was wide open, his eyes were round in surprise. He looked like he'd gone into shock. His boyfriend was right next to him and had his eyes tightly shut as he mumbled something to himself about being mentally scarred for the rest of his life and looking like he might throw up. Blaine was there too. He wasn't looking at us tangled up on the bed together. His gaze was directed at the floor. I couldn't quite see his expression but I could tell that he was tensed up by the tightness in his shoulders and his hands curled into fists.

"Hey guys," I murmured sleepily.

I was aware of how bad this looked. Both of us were flushed and drenched in sweat, covered in bruises, bites, and claw marks that left bloody smears over our naked skin. It probably looked like we'd tried to kill each other as we'd fucked. No wonder Nick was looking a little green.

I knew that tomorrow I was going to absolutely loath myself and Sebastian even more so. I was going to be as sore as hell too. I knew I'd have to face my friends and their horror at seeing me naked in bed with the guy I hated more than anything. But I was to tired to worry about it right at that moment. Unable to keep my eyes open any longer I fell asleep with the weight of Sebastian warming me and my three friends still frozen in the doorway.

**Ending Note:**** Ok I really would appreciate some reviews. I suck at writing smut. Seriously. I can put out a good make out scene without a hitch but when it comes to describing sex I get stuck. So I decided that to practice my skills I'd write this story and get some input from my readers. I'm going to try writing different types of sex. This chapter was hate sex. Please please please let me know how I can improve! If you see anything about my writing style that bugs you or sounds awkward let me know so that I can work on it. Constructive criticism is desperately wanted here! I'd also like to hear what things you liked so that I can continue doing them. Thanks for your support. I hope you enjoyed! I'll try to update soon :)**


	3. Chapter 2: Dirty Haunted

**Author's Note:****Thanks to **_**maybe**_**for your suggestion! Your review is what inspired the beginning of this chapter. Thanks to my first reviewer, **_**LivAndLetDie, **_**and to **_**xxWriteYourDreamsxx,Brunette Chic, **_**and **_**A.G. Garcia **_**for their input! As for the anonymous reviewer, I changed the wording a bit but I did warn in the Author's Note that Kurt would be a little out of character.**

**I decided to put a bit of Sebastian's point of view as the second half of this chapter. Tell me if you like it or if I should just stick to Kurt.**

**Warnings for this chapter: Swearing. No sex this time though. **

**Chapter title explanation: The Dirty part is how Kurt is feeling and the Haunted part is for Sebastian.**

**Song for this chapter is Haunted by Taylor Swift. I'm not exactly an fan of hers and I know a lot of people hate on her but I felt like Haunted fits this chapter pretty well as does her song Cold As You which I have Sebastian sing later on in the chapter. **

**Chapter 2: Dirty Haunted **

I woke up to the heat of another body weighing down on me. Our skin was sticky and hot and I felt like I was in desperate need of a shower. It took a bleary moment for me to remember last night and the fact that it was Sebastian fucking Smythe laying on top of me. He was cuddled up to my chest like he thought he was my boyfriend or something. What was he thinking? What was _I_ thinking? Last night had been a mistake.

I shoved him off me as fast as I could and stumbled from the bed. Sebastian landed on the floor with a thunk and a cry of pain. I yanked on a pair of boxers just before his head appeared over the side of the bed looking extremely irritated.

"What the hell was that for?" he complained.

"Get out."

His expression when from annoyed to confused. "Huh? But last night..."

"Last night you got what you wanted. I let you fuck me. Now get the hell out of my room. I don't want to see your fucking face ever again." I said venomously.

He scowled. "You can't be serious. We had sex!"

"And it meant _nothing_. I HATE you Sebastian. That was all just pent up lust. Nothing more. You think you'd be used to that kind of thing. I thought one night stands were your expertise. You are a total slut after all. I can't believe you actually slept on my bed. It's disgusting. I'm going to have to burn those sheets." I snarled.

He just stared at me in absolute shock. "But I... I really like you," he whispered numbly.

I clenched my hands into fists. He was lying. He hated me just as much as I hated him. I knew he did. How dare he say those words to me. We'd never been so much as friends. Our relationship consisted of insults, anger, and a single fucked up night of angry sex.

"Why are you still here? I told you to leave?" I yelled over my shoulder as I opened my closet , pulled out a neat uniform, and laid it on Jeff's clean bed. My hands were shaking. "If you're still here when I get back from my shower I think I'll seriously kill you."

I snatched up a towel and some make up to cover all visible hickeys and bruises with and exited the room without so much as another glance at Sebastian. I felt dirty. And sore. I limped a little as I made my way to the showers. I dreaded seeing my friends and having to explain why I'd had hate sex with Sebastian. None of them seemed the type to ever do that sort of thing and I didn't think they'd understand. Hell _I_ didn't even understand why I'd done it. I suppose I had to admit to myself that I was attracted to the bastard. As much as I totally despised him I had to concede that he was hot. I suppose that the attraction paired with the fact that Blaine and I hadn't had sex for over a month leading up to our breakup had made me have a moment of total insanity. The adrenaline from our fighting was probably another factor. I didn't see any other explanations for why I'd let that snarky meerkat fuck me.

When I stepped under the scalding hot stream of water to shower I started scrubbing at once. I could still feel Sebastian's disgusting touch all over my body. I scrubbed as hard as I could, ignoring my soreness. I scrubbed until my skin was bright red. I was dirty. Absolutely filthy. No matter how hard I scrubbed Sebastian's touch lingered. I hated him all the more for that. I didn't let myself think about the truth... that it wasn't Sebastian's touch that I felt branded into my skin. It was different, rough, dirty hands that haunted me and forced me to scrub all the harder.

When I got back to the room Sebastian was gone. Jeff was there though. He was sitting on his bed looking tired. He looked up when I walked in and handed me my uniform without a word. I took it and got dressed in silence. I glanced at the clock as I straightened my tie. We still had fifteen minutes before breakfast. I supposed it was time to face Jeff. I quietly sat next to him, staring down at my hands. Jeff was the silly one, the energetic happy one. It was strange seeing him so somber.

"I'm sorry," I finally whispered. "I'm sorry that you didn't sleep in here last night. I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm sorry that I had hate sex with Sebastian. That I let him touch me when I despise him so much. I'm sorry that I... that I..." I choked out a sob as tears started to streak down my face. "I'm so dirty Jeff. I feel so dirty."

An arm slipped around my shoulders and he pulled me into a hug. "I've had hate sex before," the blond whispered.

I tilted my head to look up at his face, startled by what he'd just said. "_You've_ had hate sex?" I couldn't even imagine Jeff hating anyone or anybody hating him.

He nodded. "Before I was with Nick. There was this guy... well it's a long story. Point is, I can empathize with how you're feeling. It feels pretty good while it's happening. There's so much adrenaline and passion. The anger has your heart racing and every time you bite him or scratch him or hurt him in any way it feels so good because you hate him so much. All of that pain and pleasure and hatred and anger make for some pretty explosive sex. But the aftermath of hate sex is usually pretty miserable.

Just try to stay away from Seb for a while ok? Honestly I think he's suffering quite a bit from this too. I know that you refuse to believe that he has any positive feelings for you but from what I can tell he honestly does like you. You're both hurting right now in entirely different ways and it sucks that you guys had to do this."

I nodded wiping at my eyes. "I don't really want to see him ever again anyways," I sniffled. "Are Nick and Blaine disgusted with me?"

"Nick doesn't really understand what either you or Sebastian were thinking last night. He's not disgusted, just confused. He think you're both idiots for having sex with each other but he's not a very judgmental person. He's not going to bug you about what happened. Blaine on the other hand..." I felt Jeff tense up a little before continuing. "He's kind of pissed off at you both. He really likes Sebastian and he still has some feelings for you too. He's angry that you two are hurting each other and doing stupid things like having hate sex. There's also the fact that it's only been a few days since you guys broke up and he's a little jealous. He probably won't speak to either of you for a couple of days while he's mad but I'm sure he'll get over it eventually."

I grimaced but nodded. I guess that was to be expected. I still felt screwed up though. "What do I do about this dirty feeling?" I asked. "I feel so gross and guilty. It's like I can still feel him touching me all over." I shuddered. The worst part was that the thought of his touch wasn't even necessarily a bad thing. Knowing that I actually liked him touching me made me feel even dirtier.

"Just wait for the feeling to go away I guess?" he shrugged. "I don't know what else you can do. Like I said, the aftermath of hate sex is rarely a pleasant thing."

I sighed. "Thanks Jeff. You're a good friend."  
He smiled and nodded, giving me one last squeeze before releasing me from his hug. "Now let's go eat breakfast. I bet you're starving after all of that exercise you did last night." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and I snorted, smacking him on the arm.

As soon as we walked into the cafeteria I found myself searching for Sebastian. Luckily he wasn't anywhere to be found. I got my food with Jeff and we sat at our usual table with Nick and Blaine. Like Jeff predicted Blaine didn't acknowledge me aside from a disappointed look and a hard frown. Nick kissed Jeff on the cheek before giving me a strange, calculating look and shaking his head, then proceeding to greet me like normal.

A small part of me feared that Sebastian would go around telling people what had happened between us but as I went through my B day classes nobody treated me any differently. I was a little curious about how he was handling things. I hoped that he felt as horrible as I did. I hated him. I hated him so much that it made me feel sick. I hated the little twinge of guilt I felt when I thought about how cruel I'd been to him this morning. I told myself over and over that he deserved it.

I debated for a while about if I should go to Warbler practice or not. I was a little worried about seeing Sebastian again. I slowly walked toward the choir room and hovered outside the door. My fellow Warblers brushed past me giving me curious looks but none of them questioned me standing outside the door debating. Until Jeff and Nick arrived.

They didn't even ask. Jeff just linked the hand that wasn't holding Nick's through my arm and tugged me along inside with them.

Sebastian's POV

"If you're still here when I get back from my shower I think I'll seriously kill you." His expression was like ice. So cold and cruel and hateful.

I watched in numb silence as Kurt left the room, slamming the door behind him. I was still naked and kneeling next the bed. The wood floor was cold against my bare skin. My heart hurt. Kurt had made it very clear that he didn't like me but I hadn't realized that he wasn't exaggerating when he said he hated me. I'd always thought of our arguing as more of a playful banter. Kurt's insults had become steadily more vicious lately but I wasn't sure why. I didn't even know why he disliked me so much. I'd never been as cruel to him as he'd just been to me.

Kurt was so kind to everyone else. He'd even forgiven the boy who used to torture him back at Mckinley. He was still willing to be friends with Blaine after he cheated on him. So why did he have so much hostility towards me me? I hadn't done anything all that terrible. All I'd ever done was care about him. I might have showed it in a childish way with my constant teasing but it had never been anything more than playfully trying to annoy him. I'd never been _mean_. I swallowed hard. For the first time I realized the truth. Kurt really did hate me.

To my horror I felt tears well up and spill down my cheeks. I gave a gasping sob as I struggled to control myself. My arms wrapped around my knees and I cried into my arms. Of course it would be this way. It was karma. After all of those guys I'd led on and messed with over the years the first time I really truly care for somebody it has to be someone who despises everything about me.

There was a hesitant warning knock on the door before it was pushed open and Jeff walked in. He took one look at me crying naked on the floor and blushed bright red. He snatched my boxers off the ground and tossed them to me. I caught them, rubbing furiously at my eyes with my other hand. I was embarrassed to be caught crying. Jeff looked away as I got dressed in my pants and tattered torn shirt which was quickly covered with my blazer.

"Kurt was angry wasn't he?" he asked, turning around when I informed him that I was clothed.

"Ya." I shrugged trying to look like I could care less but the effect was ruined by the fact that Jeff had just seen my bawling on the floor and knew that I was anything but fine. "He told me he hated me. That it meant nothing. Said he never wanted to see me again. Nothing new you know?" I might have managed to sound somewhat calm if my voice hadn't broke pathetically on the word 'hate'.

"He's hurting too," Jeff told me. "That's why he's lashing out. He thinks he hates you. He really honestly thinks that he does but it's not true. The person he really hates is himself. I don't know why but I've seen it in his eyes these last few weeks. He has so much self loathing and for some reason he's decided to take all the hatred he feels for himself and project it on you. It makes it easier for him to deal with it I guess."

I frowned thoughtfully wondering if that was true. "You know you sure are surprisingly wise and observant," I said.

He just shrugged. "I can read people pretty well."

I looked down at my messy uniform and the dried blood stains on my wrists. "I guess I should go shower and change. I'll see you second period."

He nodded and smiled at me. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes. His baby blues were so very very sad. As if he could sense just how miserable I was at that moment. "Alright. See you later Seb."

I'd always been pretty good at smothering my emotions. I was my usual obnoxious, outspoken self throughout all of my classes. Every one bought it. I got a few comments on the claw marks on my cheeks but paired with the hickeys decorating my neck the comments were mostly just congratulations on getting some last night. They all correctly assumed that the scratches had been part of a wild hook up. Nobody saw how haunted my eyes were.

I didn't really want to go to Warbler practice. I'd told everyone that I was going to sing a solo today to start off practice but I'd been putting off picking one. Usually we sang pretty upbeat songs in Warblers practice but I wasn't really feeling it. Besides, I kind of wanted to sing my solo for Kurt. I knew he wasn't going to want to talk to me so a song was the only way to tell him how he was making me feel. There were a few songs I mulled over. It came down to Cold As You or Haunted, both by Taylor Swift. In the end I decided on Cold As You. I wasn't exactly a huge Taylor Swift fan but I felt that the song was an appropriate one.

When Warblers practice time finally rolled around I was one of the first ones in the room like always. Being the head Warbler and all I usually tried to be a little early. Kurt was one of the last ones to arrive, Jeff halfway dragging him as they came in together with Nick. He avoided my eyes.

"Alright. Yesterday I told you guys I'd start today off with a little solo. So I'll sing my song then we can all sing something fun together before we get down to practicing for the charity benefit we're performing at next month." I announced.

Everyone nodded obediently and watched expectantly as I got my music ready. I sat on the edge of desk as I began to sing. This wasn't exactly the kind of song that required dancing around the room.

"You have a way of coming easily to me. And when you take, you take the very best of me," I began. Everyone looked a little surprised when they realized what I was singing but I continued unfazed.

"So I start a fight cause I need to feel something. And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted. Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day. Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say. And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you." I sung every word with heartbreaking sincerity and kept my gaze locked on Kurt. He still wasn't looking at me but I knew he could feel my eyes on him. I wanted him to know I wasn't messing around when I told him how I felt. I wanted him to realize how much he'd hurt me and just how serious I was.  
"You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray. And I stood there loving you and wished them all away. And you come away with a great little story. Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you. You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you. And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you. Died for you." My voice broke a little at the end but I took a deep breath and kept singing.  
"Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day. Every smile you fake is so condescending. Counting all the scars you made. And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you."

The room was eerily still. Every eye was on me by the end. Even Kurt's. It looked like I'd put half the Warblers into shock. I was Sebastian Smythe after all. I didn't get emotional. Not like this. Not in front of other people. And here I was, singing as sad song so earnestly that a few of my fellow singers had tears in their eyes. After a beat of absolute silence everyone burst into crazy applause. Kurt quickly looked away. I couldn't quite read the expression on his face.

I quickly composed myself and flashed a crooked smile at the room. "Alright guys thank you. Thanks. I know I'm pretty amazing but let's calm down now." It took a few moments before the applause trailed off. I continued with the agenda like I hadn't just uncharacteristically poured my pain into a song.

"So, what do you guys want to sing?"

**Ending Note:****I debated on if I should put a song here or not but I figured what the heck, it's a **_**Glee**_**fanfiction. A song wouldn't exactly be out of place here. Right? What are your guys' views on it?**

**I'll explain in later chapters why Kurt hates himself and why he takes it out on Sebastian. So patience!  
**

**One again, please tell me if anything about my writing style sounded awkward or wrong. I'm trying to improve!**

**Like I mentioned at the beginning, please let me know what you thought about using Sebastian's point of view. **

**Also, I was thinking about putting a chapter in Jeff's point of view later in the story and possibly having a sex scene between him and Nick. Do you think that a chapter like that would just be out of place? I won't do it if you guys think it wont fit in. I just think Jeff/Nick is so freakin cute!**

**I don't have a beta so if you see any grammar or spelling mistakes please kindly point them out to me!**

**Review and let me know your thoughts! Feel free to be critical but please don't be mean! Thanks a million times over for reading my story!**


	4. Chapter3: If I Could Take Your Pain Away

**Author's Note: ****Thank you to everyone who reviewed! **XxWriteYourDreamsxx, ColferLover, Luz Estrella, justsaying, iloverandyortonwwefan23, yngoldfogee, XxHummingBirdxX, darlaklainer, and HiddenCoffee. **I can't believe I got so many reviews! Most of you had such good things to say and good advice. **

HiddenCoffee: I agree that Sebastian's sudden crying might have been a little out of place. I guess I was thinking that it was mostly just shock at how harsh Kurt was being because Kurt isn't usually a vicious person. Also he sort of thought that they had a sort of playful rivalry and didn't completely understand how serious Kurt was being about his insults. It's just hitting him that Kurt really hates him. I don't know, I have the horrible habit of planning everything in my head but not getting enough of the explanation into my story so my readers end up being confused or thinking things are out of place. I'm trying to work on that. I probably need a beta because I don't really review what I've written, I just sort of write whatever comes to mind and then post it which is probably a really bad idea... Also, I plan to go more in depth as to when Sebastian's feelings for Kurt began and why exactly he cares about him so strongly in later chapters.

justsaying: I'm very sorry that I offended you. That was not my intention. I don't quite understand how you found it offensive. I wasn't trying to send out some sort of mean message. Kurt was feeling a lot of hate and trying to be as vicious as possible towards Sebastian. And all of the meaner insults he threw at him and the names he called him were a reflection of his feelings for himself more than his feelings toward Sebastian. I explain that further in this chapter. I'm sorry you felt it was offensive. I don't want to offend any of my readers.

**Song for the chapter is Bleed For You by Hidden In Plain View. This time the chapter name and song reflect Jeff's feelings. **

**I'm sorry but Sebastian isn't in this chapter. He will most definitely be in the next chapter though. **

**WARNING: The topic of rape is brought up in this chapter. One reviewer kindly pointed out to me that rape victims could be triggered by reading about this. So I felt it was necessary to add a warning in here.  
**

**Chapter 3: If I Could Take Your Pain Away**

I was totally stunned by Sebastian's performance. I really wasn't sure what to think about it. A part of me wanted to be angry that he'd pretty much called me a cold heartless bastard in front of all of the Warbers but the other part felt weighed down with guilt at the sincerity that had been in his eyes. I wasn't quite sure why I felt guilty. I _wanted_ him to be hurting by the things I said didn't I? Because I hated him? Because he was evil?

I stumbled my way through Warblers practice. It wasn't too difficult. No body called me on my mistakes. I was pretty sure that they all knew that Sebastian had been singing to me and that it was bound to affect me. I had a lot on my mind.

I bolted to my room as soon as practice was over. My mind was a wind storm of emotions and tangled thoughts. I wasn't really up to talking to anyone. I hoped that Jeff would give me some space and go hang out with Nick for a while.

"Knock knock?" Jeff opened our bedroom door with a goofy smile. I could tell he was intent on cheering me up. Looks like I wasn't going to be left alone after all.

"Hey," he mumbled.

"I think we should talk," Jeff said, plopping down next to me on my bed.

I just shrugged my shoulders. He took this as permission to continue. His face was suddenly very very serious. "Kurt what happened to you? I started noticing towards the end of your relationship with Blaine that suddenly you closed yourself off to everyone. You stopped being so cuddly with your boyfriend. Your phone calls home got short and impersonal from what I could hear. You stopped hanging out with me and Nick. You pushed us away. You seem to have nightmares almost every night. You don't smile as much anymore. It makes me sad.

You also got a lot more vicious towards Sebastian and a little less kind to everyone else. Sebastian isn't perfect but he hasn't done anything to warrant such hatred from you. You went from playful banter to horrible names and cruelty. Nothing really changed with Sebastian though while a lot had suddenly changed in _your _behavior so I can only assume that it's just you. I get the feeling that your hatred is more directed at yourself and you're using him to vent your anger. Feel free to correct me if any of this is wrong please."

I was startled by how insightful Jeff was. I had no idea how he'd figured all of that out or how much he'd observed from me. I did feel guilty for shuffling him and Nick out of my life a bit. When I'd first started here they'd quickly become two of my best friends along with Blaine. I guess I'd always known how easy it was for Jeff to see when something was wrong and I'd taken a step back from him in hopes that he might miss my inner turmoil. It looked like all I'd succeeded in doing was worrying him.

"Something happened," I admitted quietly. "I haven't told anyone. It's hard to talk about. I don't know if I can."

Jeff put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. Normally this might have made me highly uncomfortable but there was something about my roommate that just put me at ease and soaked all of my fear away. I had such a difficult time trusting people after the 'incident'. Even Blaine. Somehow I trusted Jeff though. Sweet, happy, kind Jeff. Trusting, loving, innocent Jeff. I leaned my head against his and closed my eyes. I felt really nervous and a little nauseous, like my secret was rotting me from the inside. My hands were shaking. Jeff reached over and twined his free hand with mine. "It's ok. I'm here to listen."

There was a beat of silence before I forced the words from my throat like they physically pained me to say. "I was raped."

The word sounded ugly in my mouth. I hated the taste of it on my tongue.

Jeff instantly went tense all over. "Oh Kurt," he whispered. I opened my eyes to see tears streaking down his cheeks. I found myself being pulled into a full hug, Jeff's warmth surrounding me entirely. For some reason seeing Jeff's tears started up my own. Before I knew it I was sobbing uncontrollably. Loud, wet sobs that shook my entire body and ripped at my heart. I hadn't cried since before the 'incident' and suddenly it was like a damn had broken loose in my emotions.

I cried for ruining my relationship with Blaine. I cried for my selfishness and my cruelty towards Sebastian. I cried for my hatred towards the man who had done this to me. I cried for the loss of my innocence and the horrible emotional damage that I just couldn't get to heal. I cried because I felt so dirty and it wasn't because of what I did with Sebastian like I had tried to tell myself. It was because my body had been used without my permission and thrown away and it made me feel worthless and so damn filthy. I cried because I didn't think that anyone could ever want me after knowing how I'd been defiled and ruined. I cried because I hated myself so much and I knew that somehow this was all my fault. I cried for all of the things I'd lost or ruined. I cried because I hurt more than any words could ever express.

Jeff cried with me, holding me close and rocking us back and forth. My head was tucked under his chin and I was vaguely aware that I was ruining the front of his blazer with snot and tears. His fingers dug into my back as if he was determined to never let me go. He held me so tightly that it was as if he was trying to squeeze the pain right out of me. I clung to him just as tightly wanting his comfort even if I didn't deserve it. Wanting his love even if it might not last.

When I finally quieted down I was exhausted. I continued to grip the front of Jeff's blazer as I was reduced to soft sniffles. His arms hadn't loosened their grip around me at all. When he spoke I could feel the warmth of his breath against the top of my head. "How about you sleep in my bed tonight sweetheart? If it doesn't make you too uncomfortable. I just... I just don't want you to be alone right now. Nick could be there too if you like. We could help you with the nightmares. Unless you don't want me to tell him."

"You can tell him," I said softly without any hesitation. "And I think I'd like sleeping in your bed tonight. I feel... I feel kind of scared now that I've admitted what happened. Like any minute you'll realize how disgusting I am and leave."

"No no no Kurt. You're my friend and I love you. You aren't disgusting and this isn't your fault in any way. The only person to blame is the disgusting twisted bastard who did this to you. I'll go get Nick and we'll bring some food for you since I doubt you feel like going to dinner right now?" I shook my head to confirm his partial question and he continued. "We'll eat and go to bed early then save the talking for tomorrow. Because we _do_ have to talk about this. Does that sound like a good plan to you?"

I nodded again, not sure if I could trust my voice. Jeff finally loosened his hold on me. He pulled back and got to his feet. "I'm going to go find Nick and some food alright? I'll be back soon."

"Thank you," I whispered.

He leaned forward and kissed the top of my head in an almost brotherly way before leaving the room. Jeff was the most amazing friend in the word. Nick was so lucky to have him.

I still kind of felt like I was in shock. I'd kept the 'incident' bottled up inside of me for so long. Telling someone and not having them hate me was a huge relief.

It wasn't long of a wait for Jeff to return with Nick and dinner. The moment they were through the door Nick was pulling me into his arms the same way Jeff had. I was a little surprised. Nick wasn't as free with his physical affection as Jeff was. Jeff was a lot more comfortable with touching other people. He hugged his friends all of the time, sat with his arms around their shoulders, and even snuggled with them. Nick tended to keep it to high fives and fist bumps with everyone but Jeff. So his sudden embrace was unexpected. I hugged him back though, letting him hold me close for a few moments before he pulled back with worried eyes.

"We brought food," Jeff murmured. "Nothing special, just pizza and breadsticks." He sat the two boxes on the bedside table.

I wasn't normally one for greasy foods like pizza but I was starving and I figured it wouldn't hurt to have pizza just this once. Jeff opened the box and handed us each a piece. He sat on the other side of me. "You guys mind if we watch a movie or something? I said we wouldn't have our serious discussion until tomorrow," he told Nick. "So I was thinking a movie might help us all calm down a bit."

Nick and I both agreed so Jeff popped a DVD into his laptop. We all laid back on his bed eating pizza and watching Inception. It was going to be very cozy for all of us to sleep in one bed but I kind of looked forward to it. Nick and Jeff made me feel safe. I just hoped their presence might help stave off the nightmares that haunted me every night.

Jeff and Nick talked throughout most of the movie arguing about everything from the camera work to the storyline. I just smiled a little, content to listen to their discussions. Even when they were arguing about silly things it was obvious how much they loved each other. I was a little jealous of that. I wanted to share that kind of love with some. But who would ever love someone as dirty as me? I was damaged goods.

All of the food was gone by the time the movie ended. Jeff threw away the boxes and we all stripped down to our boxers and climbed into bed together. I didn't even bother with my nightly moisturizing routine. It was the second night in a row that I'd missed it but I couldn't bring myself to care.

For the first time in a long time I felt utterly at peace. My friends had me sleep in the middle. Nick was behind me. My back was pressed up against his chest and his arms were around me. Jeff was facing me. His arms were around me as well, his legs tangled with mine and our foreheads pressed together so that I could feel his breath on my face every time he exhaled. I felt Jeff rub his hand down his boyfriend's back and come to a rest on his hip. He gave a little tug, pulling Nick closer and sandwiching me even tighter between them.

I nuzzled the side of Jeff's face a little in contentment. His closed eyes fluttered open and he gave me a little smile that I could just barely make out in the darkness before tilting his head and pressing a light kiss to the corner of my mouth. My heart stuttered strangely in my chest.

"Is this ok Kurt? You aren't uncomfortable with how close we are? Nick and I don't want to scare you," Jeff murmured gently.

"I'm not scared," I whispered back. "I trust you two. You guys make me feel safe. You make me feel... l-loved." I stuttered over the last word a little unsure.

"Of course we love you," Nick breathed into my hair. "You're our best friend."

"If I could take all of your pain into me instead I'd do it," Jeff said seriously.

"Don't say that," I choked. "I wouldn't ever want anyone to feel this way. Not even Sebastian but especially not you."

"But I don't want you to hurt either," he said sadly.

We were already so impossibly close that it took hardly any movement to brush my lips against his for a split second. I immediately felt guilty and closed my eyes chanting apologizes. I shouldn't have done that. Jeff belonged to Nick. He was just trying to nice to me.

"What happened?" Nick shifted behind me and gave me a little squeeze, trying to calm me down.

"He just kissed me." Jeff didn't sound horrified at all. Not even surprised.

"It's ok Kurt," Nick said. "You didn't do anything wrong. You don't have to be sorry."

"I kissed your boyfriend," I cried.

Nick's hand slid up to my face and turned my head so that he could press his lips to mine. "There. Now you've kissed both of us."

I blinked rapidly in shock. "It's ok?" I asked in confusion.

"Don't you remember what Nick said? We love you Kurt." Jeff smiled at me kindly.

This time when he kissed me it was different. I was ready for it and he didn't pull away at once like he'd done before. This kiss lingered. Jeff's lips were soft and gentle. His hold on Nick's hip tightened, shoving us together even closer. His other hand found it's way to my chest where it delicately touched my bare skin. I liked the feeling of the blond boy's touch.

From behind me I felt the brush of Nick's mouth against my neck. It was very gentle, as if he was asking permission, not wanting to push me too far or do anything I didn't want. I arched my head sideways into the pillow, trying to give him better access. The arm that had been loosely around my waist tightened and his hand pressed flat against my stomach, just bellow his boyfriend's. We were so close that his knuckles brushed up against Jeff's abs every time I breathed out.

Jeff's mouth started to move. He parted his lips and I opened mine along with him. Our breath mingled and our tongues shyly pushed out to meet each other. Nick opened his mouth too. His soft kisses turned to sucking. My blood started to race. I squirmed a little and both of my friends moaned quietly at the same time.

We were too close for me not to feel the boner pressed against my ass or the one brushing against my thigh, right along side my own obvious arousal. Jeff's hands started to explore my chest. He rolled a nipple experimentally between two fingers and I keened in delight. His hips jerked against mine and our hard ons bumped together. I jerked back a little in surprise, accidentally grinding against Nick. He seemed to like that.

Suddenly there were lips and hands everywhere. I moaned and panted in pleasure. Our hips bumped and ground together in a steady rhythm that paused only when we came to an unspoken agreement to strip off our boxers and start up again, naked this time.

I loved the feeling of Nick's cock sliding up between my ass cheeks, rubbing against my hole without any intent to enter as he nipped lightly at my neck and shoulders. I relished the pleasure of Jeff's beautiful manhood thrusting into mine over and over again while his mouth kept mine extremely busy with his wonderfully talented tongue.

After a few minutes Nick's hand came around to wrap around both Jeff and I and jerk us off at the same time. He continued to grind against me as he twisted his hand around our cocks. Jeff and I praised and pleaded with him together in between tongue tangling kisses.

The three of us came at the same time. Our voices all raised together in cry of delight before we sank comfortably into a quite contentment. It was a little sticky and messy and Jeff detached from us momentarily to retrieve a damp washcloth. He cleaned Nick and I up as well as himself before snuggling back into bed with us.

We all drifted to sleep with murmured I-love-you's and good-night's.

**Ending Note****: Wow. Well, I have no idea how the hell any of that happened. This was supposed to be a chapter about how Kurt confronted Sebastian about the song he sang at Warblers practice and they get into an argument and have angry sex again. Instead I had Kurt admit his secret earlier than he was supposed to and have a sort of threesome with Nick and Jeff that I never planned to ever happen in this story. Ever. This chapter honestly just wrote itself. Every intention I had for it just fled as I wrote. I don't even know what happened.**

**About what happened to Kurt... he will explain the story in further detail in a later chapter, possibly the next chapter. If you don't think you can deal with the subject matter of rape please don't continue this story. I don't know exactly how victims of such a terrible act tend to react aside from what I've seen in books, TV shows, and movies so hopefully my portrayal of Kurt so far hasn't been too far off the mark? Please tell me if anything is too outrageously unbelievable. I want to get this right because it's a very serious, very sad topic.**

**I actually didn't start this story intending for it to end up this way. I wanted to write a story where Kurt and Sebastian had their usual playful rivalry which they mislabeled as 'hate' and Sebastian seduced Kurt and then showed him that he wasn't such a prat after all. It was supposed to be a somewhat lighthearted sexy story. Instead it has become rather serious and slightly depressing. I don't know why it turned out this way but it did. I just started writing and Kurt was so much angrier and more vicious than I intended and Sebastian had stronger feelings in the beginning for Kurt than I was going to have him have at the start. And I know Kurt isn't such an angry, cruel person so I figured something had to have happened to him to make him so mean. And this is what came out. He was raped and it's seriously affecting him. Even he himself didn't realize how much it had affected him until Jeff started to point it out.**

**I kind of like the totally new direction that this story is going though. I'm sorry that Sebastian wasn't in this chapter at all. He will definitely be in the next chapter. Despite how this chapter turned out in the end it is still a Kurbastian story.**

** Let me know what you think? And please don't be too harsh. Thank you. You guys rock. **


	5. Chapter 4: Left in Pieces

**Author's Note:**** Oh my god you guys are so awesome! I was so worried about the response to the chapter because it wasn't what I had planned so I didn't know if it fit but I got such good reviews! I freakin love you guys! :D I was smiling so hard after reading your reviews! The good responses were overwhelming. It made me feel so good inside! AHHH! :) I'm glad you guys seem to like the new direction the story is going in. And the amount of reviews really blew me away! You guys totally made my entire frickin week! I will most likely go back and get rid of most of the worried, paranoid rant I put in the ending note of the last chapter haha. **

**I'm also glad that you guys weren't too confused by what was going on between Jeff, Nick and Kurt. It was a relief to see that most of you understood that even though it was sexual at the end it was more of a comfort/friendship thing. As odd as that sounds... It's kind of hard for me to explain so I was glad that you guys understood without me needing to try telling you what I meant it to be. **

**There might be something later with Jeff/Nick/Kurt or possibly even Jeff/Nick/Kurt/Sebastian simply because I like myself some multiple guy on guy action but only if it feels right and fits into the story. It would probably only be a single chapter where this happens if I even do it.**

**So thanks to all who reviewed. **Joeybear90, corpseladyinblack, Guest, XxHummingBirdxX, Virginia-GinnyWeasley, A-bazooka-Fire, mylisa777, whenwefinallykissgoodnight, Tara Bartsch, yngoldfogee, Guest #2, Kat917, xxWriteYourDreamsxx, ColferLover, Luz Estrella, NekoBerryXo, lafillesouriant, iloverandyortonwwefan23, Liz, and asjdfh (AKA guest #3).

**Also thanks to those who favorited and followed this story!**

**This is another tame chapter. Sebastian is in it like promised but as this is the chapter about Kurt telling the story of what happened to him I felt that I sex scene wouldn't fit in here. Kurt and Sebastian's relationship does change after this chapter for the better though! I think that this will be the chapter that really kicks off the development of their relationship. And Sebastian will likely explain his feelings for Kurt either next chapter or the one after that. Don't worry there will be some more steamy action between them. Just be patient for a chapter or two haha XD**

**Song for this chapter is Long Way to Happy by Pink**

**Chapter 4: Left in the Pieces That You Broke Me Into**

It was my alarm clock that woke us up the next morning. Nick was closest to it so he reached out blindly trying to smack it into silence and somehow succeeding in making it louder.

"Niiicckk" Jeff complained, burring his face in my neck.

"It's the button on the left side," I mumbled sleepily.

Nick finally found the off button with a huff of relief. Unfortunately we were all quite awake by that point. I didn't want to leave the bed though. I hadn't had any nightmares last night. Perhaps my mind subconsciously knew I was safe cushioned in the warmth of my two best friends. I smiled as I remembered last night. Jeff and Nick were one of the most perfect, in love couples I knew and last night they'd extended some of that love to me. It made me feel warm and content inside.

"Come on, we all need a shower." Nick trailed his fingers over my cheek as he pressed a kiss to Jeff's mouth. We both groaned in protest and cuddled in closer to each other.

"Five more minutes?" Jeff begged.

"Don't make me carry you," Nick threatened. He grinned wickedly, snatching up a half empty water bottle from where it had been forgotten on the ground and untwisted the cap. "On second thought, if you don't get your asses into the shower I'll bring the shower to you."

My eyes flew open at the same time as Jeff's and I found myself staring into the brilliant bright blue of his gaze. We untangled ourselves from each other and climbed out from under the blankets with minimal complaining as Nick watched with satisfaction. Actually it was more like appreciation. We were all still stark naked after all.

I'd never showered with anyone before and it was a new experience. There were only a few people in the showers when we showed up and nobody gave us a second glance when we all shuffled into a shower stall together. We all helped each other wash up between soft kisses and lingering caresses. I was practically purring when Nick started to suds up my hair with shampoo while I rubbed some soap into Jeff's back. Weirdly enough there was nothing sexual about our shower and there was no tension from what happened the night before.

After we'd all cleaned up we dried off and wrapped towels around our waists. Nick went back to his room to get a fresh uniform and Jeff and I shuffled back to our room together to get dressed.

"Try to be nicer to Sebastian today," Jeff murmured, straightening my tie and leaning forward to press a kiss to my lips. "He might be obnoxious but he cares about you too."

"I'll try," I murmured, tilting my head for another kiss.

"There is no try, there is only do," Jeff told me with a grin.

I chuckled and smacked his arm. "Alright alright I'll be nice."

He beamed at me and pulled me in for a final kiss. This one lingered. Fingers twisted into hair and bodies pressed together for a moment before I pulled away, breathing heavily. "I wish I could just kiss the pain right out of you," Jeff told me sadly. "Nick and I, we'd do anything to help you. We don't like seeing you hurt."

"Thanks you," I said sincerely. "You guys have helped a lot already. You've done a good job of helping keep my mind on happier things."

"I'm glad." Jeff reached out to intertwine our hands. "There isn't any Warbler practice today so what do you say we talk after classes" I felt a tremor of nervous fear creep up my spine and Jeff gave my hand a comforting squeeze. "Only if you want to," he assured me.

"Ok," I said.

"I think... I think maybe Sebastian and Blaine should come? They could be a lot of help. Sebastian really does care about you and even though you aren't together anymore Blaine's always been a friend to you. If you aren't comfortable with it I understand but Nick and I can only do so much. It might be good for you to have more people there to support you."

"Blaine is ok to come. I think he deserves to know. If he's willing that is. I know he was still angry about the whole sleeping with Sebastian thing. I'll have to think about Sebastian though," I replied hesitantly. "I know you say that he cares but I don't get _why_. When did he suddenly get feelings for me that consisted of more than irritation and contempt?"

"You'll just have to ask him. It's not really my place to tell you," Jeff said. "I know you don't like him but I think that you need to sit down with Sebastian and just talk to each other."

I was quiet the rest of the the walk to the cafeteria, deep in thought. I wasn't sure how to feel about Sebastian. Part of me still had the instinct to lash out hatefully at him but the more rational part remembered what Jeff had said and recalled Sebastian's solo in Warbler practice. His emotions hadn't seem faked. And really he _hadn't_ done anything that horrible to me. Perhaps I should try to let him in.

"Ok," I said as we got our breakfast and sat down next to Nick and Blaine. "Sebastian can come I guess."

"Come where?" Blaine looked up curiously.

Oh so he was talking to me again? "I'd like to talk to you after classes," I said rather nervously. "With Nick, Jeff, and Sebastian too I suppose. I have something really important to tell you."

"You and Sebastian aren't announcing your engagement are you?" he asked rather nastily.

I was hurt by that. Suddenly I wasn't so sure about letting other people know what had happened. Blaine already thought I was dirty for having sex with Sebastian didn't he? So what would he say if he found out I'd been raped while we were together? That he'd touched me and kissed me after I'd been defiled like that? Would he hate me? Would he be disgusted?

"You don't know what Kurt's going through," Nick said harshly, throwing Blaine a glare. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and Jeff put down his fork to cuddle up to my side and murmur comforting assurances into my ear.

My ex-boyfriend looked a little guilty but mostly curious. I didn't miss the flicker of jealously either as he watched Nick place a kiss on my cheek and Jeff nuzzle the side of my face. I could only guess what this must look like but I knew he had it all wrong. My relationship with Nick and Jeff wasn't like that. Things might have gotten a little physical between us starting last night but it even when we'd participated in our little grinding session it hadn't really felt _sexual_ to me. It was difficult to explain. It was almost as if they were trying to show me that physical things could be affectionate and sweet. I usually felt dirty and bad after being touched in any way. Like I was contaminating everyone who so much as hugged me. But these gentle loving touches from Nick and Jeff only made me feel cared for and protected. It was like they were trying to erase my bad experience and remind me how physical closeness could be a good thing.

"I'm sorry," Blaine finally said.

I just shrugged and went back to my waffles. It wasn't Blaine's fault. Nick told me that he had third period with Sebastian and that he'd inform him to meet us after classes. I thanked him nervously and he gave me an encouraging smile.

I didn't pay much attention at school. My mind was busy trying to prepare myself to actually talking about what had happened to me. I'd shoved the memories into the furthest corner of my mind, trying to forget them, but they'd affected me despite my attempts to erase them. Now it was time to pull them out and examine them and it scared me. I was still a little hesitant about having Blaine and Sebastian there when I finally came clean about what had happened but I wasn't worried enough to tell them not to come. Jeff and Nick would be there if anything went wrong. I could do this.

I dragged my feet as I headed towards my bedroom after classes. With every step I grew more and more afraid. What if Blaine hated me after this? What if Sebastian mocked me? What if Nick and Jeff realized that they'd been touching someone so unclean? What if they all left and I was alone and unwanted?

"Kurt?" I looked up quickly at the sound of Sebastian's voice. He looked concerned. "Are you alright?"

He reached out as if to touch my shoulder and I jerked away. I couldn't do this. Sebastian was going to think I was disgusting when he heard what had happened to be. He was going to hate me. He was going to hurt me. He couldn't possibly mean those things about caring for me and if he did it wasn't going to last much longer.

"Don't touch me," I said coldly. It wasn't the friendliness I'd been planning on attempting to show him but it was better than my automatic instinct to lash out with hateful insults.

He grimaced. "Fine, whatever. Nick and Jeff said you wanted to talk to me. You aren't planning to kill me as soon as you get me into your room are you?"

I didn't say anything, just opened my bedroom door. Sebastian followed me inside grumbling under his breath. My three friends weren't there yet so I plunked down on my bed. Sebastian stood by the door looking unsure. I stared at him blankly.

"Hello?" Jeff walked in with Nick and Blaine, saving us from our awkward silence. "Oh good, you guys are already here. What are you doing Sebastian? Go ahead and sit down."

He dutifully sat on Jeff's bed. Blaine plopped down next to him and Jeff and Nick sat on either side of me. I swallowed hard. This was almost worse than when I'd first told Jeff. I took a deep breath but no words came out. I let out a strangled whimper and pressed my quivering lips back together.

"Shhhh" Jeff scooted closer and wrapped an arm around me. "It's going to be ok Kurt. You don't have to do this if you've changed your mind."

"No. I've had my doubts but you were right, they should know," I whispered hoarsely.

Jeff nodded and leaned his head onto my shoulder. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth but once again nothing came out. Nick softly kissed my cheek and placed a hand on my shoulder as he leaned towards me. "Would you rather we tell them?"

I nodded shakily.

Jeff lifted his head to look at a very confused and worried Blaine and Sebastian. "Kurt was raped."

I squeezed my eyes shut so tightly that it hurt, not wanting to see the disgust on their faces. The words had been said. They couldn't be taken back. Blaine and Sebastian knew now. They were going to hate me. They were going to think I was dirty. I bit my bottom lip and took a deep, shaky breath to keep myself from crying. My nails were digging into my palm. Jeff's fingers pulled at mine, uncurling my fists and he linked his hands with one while Nick took the other.

"Kurt..." It was Sebastian who spoke first. He couldn't even get past the first word without his voice breaking and trailing off into silence.

"When did it happen?" That was Blaine. He sounded shaken up.

Neither of them sounded hateful or disgusted with me. I slowly opened my eyes. Sebastian had his face buried in his hands like he didn't know how to face this. Blaine just sat stock still like he was in shock. His face was deathly white and he was shaking all over.

"A little over a month before our break up. The last time we were at Scandals," I said, looking at Blaine. "You were drunk and hitting on some guy. I was jealous and you got irritated at me for telling you to stay away from the guy. So you pulled him on the dance floor and started dancing. I was sulking at the bar and actually bought a beer for once. I wasn't watching my drink very closely. Someone slipped something in it. I don't know what it was. I got really dizzy and it felt like I was half asleep and half awake. It's hard for me to remember all of the details." The words were spilling out of me in a rush now and I couldn't stop them.

"I can't remember his face. I can't remember where he took me or how he got me there. I just remember the smell of cigarettes and the taste of alcohol. I remember him stripping me down and I was vaguely aware of what was happening but I couldn't do anything about it. I remember that he kept saying I was pretty. That's all I remember him saying over and over again. That I was so so pretty. I remember that it hurt a lot and it was really cold. And I wanted it to be Blaine so badly." I pressed a hand to my mouth to stifle a sudden sob. "I just wanted it to be Blaine not some strange man. I just wanted to be fully conscious in a warm bed with my boyfriend having sex while he told me that he loved me, not in some cold dark place that smelled like smoke and alcohol so drugged up that I couldn't fight off the disgusting man raping me. I just wanted it to end. I wanted... I wanted him to just kill me.

I don't remember a lot after that. When I woke up I was in my doorm room and Blaine was there telling me that we'd both gotten really drunk the night before and that I'd passed out and he'd found me in the back seat of his car and he'd called Sebastian to drive us back to Dalton. He tried to kiss me but I just... I couldn't. And he thought it was because I was still mad at him for flirting for that stupid boy but I had totally forgotten about that. I just didn't want him to touch me when I was so disgustingly dirty.

I'm still so dirty. I'm filthy. I can still feel that man's nasty hands on my skin sometimes. And it reminds me that I'm ruined. That's why I couldn't be with you Blaine. That's why we barely touched that last month before we broke up. Because I was dirty and I didn't want to contaminate you. And I'm sorry I convinced you that it was both of our faults. Somehow I even convinced myself that everything about our ruined relationship was mutual but it was all my fault. It was always my fault. Everything was my fault.

I shouldn't have drunk that beer. I shouldn't have worn those tight pants. I shouldn't have let you go off dancing with that guy. I shouldn't have gone out that night at all. It's all my fault. It's my fault. It's all my fault," I started babble repeatedly.

Jeff was suddenly hugging me fiercely. He was crying. "Stop it Kurt. Oh my god stop it right now. This is not your fault. Not at all."

"You're right. It was my fault," Blaine choked. "What kind of boyfriend was I? How could I not even notice that some horrible disgusting monster had dragged you off and raped you when I was _right there_. How could I not realize afterward. This is my fault."

"Shut up Blaine," Nick said harshly. "This is _not_ your fault. This is not Kurt's fault. The only person to blame is the monster who did this to Kurt."

"Kurt," Sebastian whispered as if he hadn't heard anything that Blaine or Nick had said. He slid from the bed onto his knees in front of me. He looked like hell. Like the story I'd just told him had completely destroyed him. "Kurt you are an angel. You're the sweetest, purest boy I know and what that _thing_ did to you did not make you dirty. You were hurt Kurt. You were damaged and that is not your fault. Don't think for a single second that anybody in this room loves you any less for what happened to you. You are so strong and so good and I would do anything..." his face screwed up in a anguished expression like he was doing his best to hold back tears. "I would do anything for you." Despite his best efforts he started to cry. "If I could take your place for that incident, if I could take all of that pain from what happened to you onto myself I would. You did not in any way deserve that. Nobody would deserve that."

I looked down at him in amazement. "I don't understand. Why would you care so much for me? Especially right now? Especially when I don't think I can get myself to care for you back. I'm so broken Sebastian. I'm so broken and despite the kind things you just said I feel so very very dirty." I knew I was abusing that word but it kept slipping from my lips. Because that's all I could think, like the word was on repeat in my mind. Dirty, dirty, dirty, filthy, ruined, contaminated, dirty.

"Oh Kurt. The story of why I care so much is for another day. Right now is not the time." He slowly got to his feet and stumbled forward to hug me tightly. "Somehow I'll show you that you are any thing but ruined," he murmured in my ear. "You are not to blame in any way. All of us here love you Kurt. I will do anything I am capable of to help you. And more."

For some reason I felt safe in his arms. I was finally starting to accept that for some reason Sebastian really did care and it baffled me how much. I closed my eyes and let myself be hugged by the boy I'd hated more than anything just a day ago. Oh how things had changed.

**Ending Note****: I know I probably should have made Kurt a lot more hesitant to talk to Sebastian about what happened but I just felt that he was freaking out and sort of falling apart and too stressed and worried about having to dredge up the memories to really worry about the fact that Sebastian was going to be there. Also Jeff and Nick sort of shocked some sense into him and he's starting to realize that his anger was more at himself and the man who raped him than it was at Sebastian. Without a reason to hate Sebastian he isn't exactly sure how to feel about him.**

**Sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I felt that there wasn't much more to say in this chapter. Sebastian and Blaine are still kind of in shock and unable to say much more than they say here. There will be more discussions between everyone later including urgings to tell his dad and go to the police and such but I felt that those discussions wouldn't be until later when they'd had more time for this to sink in.**

**Anywho, please review! I love reading through each and every review! :) You guys are the best!**

**Expect some Sebastian/Kurt action next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 5: I'm Not Pretty

**Author's Note****: So sorry this took a lot longer than usual to get out! School started this last week and I've been busy. I was doing good with updating once a day but I'll probably have to try for once a week now. Sorry guys.**

**Thanks to my reviewers: **A-bazooka-Fire, Shamrock1100, xxWriteYourDreamsxx, Luz Estrella, , Anon (twice), Kat917, GleekyPatronusWolfyStarkid, and iloverandyortonwwefan23. **You're all amazing and give me the inspiration to write!**

**A reviewer kindly pointed out to me that some portions of my story could be triggers for rape victims. So from now on I will be putting warning on the chapters that contain content about the 'incident'. I would like to thank that reviewer about being so polite and letting me know that warnings are necessary.**

**I don't know how to do line breaks or whatever they're called. So the K-S-K-S is the best I could come up with.  
**

**WARNING: This chapter contains pretty minor sexual content, mostly just some four way making out and getting cozy with a little touching. There will be a little bit of Kurt/Sebastian before the Sebastian/Kurt/Jeff/Nick starts, There is also content centering around Kurt's rape.**

**Song for this chapter is I Will Be by Leona Lewis **

**Chapter 5: I'm Not Pretty**

I ended up sleeping in Jeff's bed again. Nick didn't join us this time. It was just me and my blond roommate curled up together. Sebastian was in my bed though. Blaine, Nick, and him had stayed in Jeff and I's room pretty late trying to sooth me and talking things over. Sebastian had sleepily laid down on my bed while we'd been discussing things and had fallen asleep around midnight. None of us had the heart to wake him up so he was still there.

"You're very brave for telling us what happened," Jeff murmured to me.

"I don't feel brave," I replied. "Just sort of relieved to finally talk about it."

"Well I'm glad you did. I wouldn't want you to continue suffering through that alone. Now you have me and Nicky and Blaine and Sebastian there for you."

"Ya it's nice. I'm so grateful to you guys," I said softly.

Jeff smiled widely and gave me a soft kiss. "It doesn't bother you does it? When Nick and I kiss you and stuff?"

I shook my head. "No. I like it."

"I like it too," he admitted. "I like being close to you. I know Nick likes it too."

I snuggled in closer to him. "I hope we'll always be friends."

"Me too."

We drifted to sleep in each others arms feeling content. A few hours later my screams woke Jeff up. It was three in the morning and I was having a nightmare. I guess I should have known that the peace wouldn't have lasted long. I wasn't usually so vocal when I had bad dreams but I think that talking about what had happened somehow brought back all of that horror and made this dream particularly bad.

"Kurt!"I woke up to find Jeff shaking me. Even in the darkness I could tell he was terrified.

Sebastian was sitting up in the other bed looking confused. I didn't say anything, just turned and clung to Jeff as tightly as I could, shaking like crazy. I slipped my hands under his shirt, spreading my hands on the bare skin of his back. I wanted to be as close to him as possible. I wanted to erase the feeling of that horrible man from my dreams with the warmth of Jeff.

"Are you ok?" Sebastian mumbled sleepily.

"He had a nightmare," Jeff said brokenly.

I heard Sebastian stumbled out of my bed with a bit of clumsiness and approach us. "Can I..." he hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Kurt, can I sleep with you guys?"

"Ya," I whispered into Jeff's neck.

There was a rustle of clothes being removed and I realized that he must have fallen asleep in his uniform and was stripping down before getting back in bed. Sure enough when he slipped under the covers with us I could feel his bare chest against my back. He seemed hesitant to get too close. His fingers barely skimmed my sides.

"Is it ok if I hold you?" he asked.

"Yes."

When his arms wrapped around me I felt some of the tension leave my body. We were in the same position as I'd been with Nick and Jeff the night before and I decided right then that sleeping sandwiched between two people was the best way to sleep. It was double the comfort of just snuggling with one.

Sebastian's hands rested lightly against my stomach. I could feel his lips in my hair. In the sleepy haziness of the night I found myself feeling a little closer to him.

**-K-S-K-S-K-S-K-S-K-S-K-S-K-S-K-S-K**

"Hey Kurt." I looked up from my homework to find Blaine standing over me. "Is it ok if I sit?"

"Sure." I moved my bag off of the seat next to me and my ex-boyfriend quickly sat down.

He looked kind of nervous. "So, uh, what's going on with you and Sebastian?"

I bit my lip and stared blankly at my work. "Well... I'm not sure how I feel about him."

He nodded his head sadly. "Look, I'm just going to come out and say this. I miss you. I miss holding you and kissing you and spending time with you. I miss being with you. You said we could be friends but we hardly ever see each other. I know I made a mistake but I just felt so trapped in our relationship. I thought you'd lost interest in me. But now that I know the real reason why you got so closed up I want to be there for you. I want to try again. Please give me another chance."

"Blaine our relationship was rocky even before the incident. You said yourself that we never really had passion. Yes I care about you a lot and yes I enjoyed most of the time that we were together but I really don't think that we'd work out a second time around. I'm sorry," I said.

"Please."

Before I could reply to his renewed plea he leaned over and kissed me. It was quick, just a peck on the lips, but I jerked back at once in surprise. My hand automatically came up to cover my mouth.

"Hope I'm not interrupting." Sebastian sounded like that's _exactly_ what he hoped to do. "But didn't you two break up?" He dropped into the seat across from me and looked back and forth between us expectantly.

"I know that you seem to have developed a sudden 'thing' for Kurt but our break up was a mistake. He belongs with me," Blaine said seriously.

Sebastian smirked. "I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you little hobbit."

I sighed. It looked like Sebastian was back to his usual snarky self. "Blaine I _told_ you that we aren't getting back together. Sebastian, please don't antagonize him."

"No promises there Princess," he chuckled.

I groaned. "I thought I've told you not to call me that."

"I recall no such thing," he said with mock innocence.

"Well I'm telling you know. Stop it or I'll..."

"Or you'll what? _Spank_ me?" He grinned seductively and squirmed a little in my seat at the image of a bare bottomed Sebastian bent over my knee, crying out for me to spank him.

"Ohhhh what are you thinking about Princess? You've gone all red," he teased.

Blaine watched our banter with a frown. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a joyful "Kuuurrrrtttt!" from Jeff who raced across the room towards us with his boyfriend trailing behind. The blond leaned over the back of my chair and flung his arms around me. He'd slung most of his body over and his face was pressed into my stomach.

"Hugging people upside down is my favorite," he giggled.

I smiled and hugged him back. "Hey Jeff. Hey Nick."

Nick gave my shoulder a squeeze. "Are you doing ok after yesterday?"

I nodded. "I'll be ok. I'm not going to lie and say that bringing it back up hasn't affected me but I'm pretty good at shoving unwanted thoughts into the back of my mind."

Nick bent his head and let his nose nuzzle into my hair before placing a kiss on top of my head. "If you ever need to talk let me know."

"Thank you," I replied sincerely. "But I think I'd like to have a little more time before we have another serious talk like that again. Like I said, I'm good at pushing those thoughts away but that discussion did bring up feelings and fears I'd managed to bury for a little while. Even though I'm good and smiling and joking around I feel like I'm going to fall apart at the slightest touch."

"We'll give you some time," Jeff promised squeezing me around my middle.

"I smiled and gently ran my fingers through his soft hair. "Love you."

"Love you too Kurtie."

"What are you guys up to?" Nick asked curiously as Jeff finally released me from his strange upside down hug.

"I was just finishing up some homework," I replied with a shrug.

"I was busy doing my best to make Kurt blush," Sebastian replied with a grin.

"I was just being turned down and having my heart smashed into a million pieces," Blaine grumbled bitterly.

"Blaine," I reached toward him but he pulled back.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know I'm being kind of a jerk here but it just hurts to see you with Sebastian, or even Nick and Jeff. You just seem so much more comfortable around all of them than you do with me. Part of me wonders if you associate me with that night. Because I was there. Because it wouldn't have happened if I'd been a better boyfriend. Or even just a better friend."

"I don't want to talk about this right now," I said quietly.

Jeff and Nick had gone quiet, watching us both with worry. Sebastian's face was smooth and unreadable and he observed our conversation. I wondered what he was thinking.

"We need to talk about it Kurt. This is important."

"Didn't you hear a word he just said?" Sebastian asked coldly. All of the joking and teasing had fled right out of him. "He needs time after last night. He's not ready to talk about it again."

"Shut up Sebastian. I used to like you. But you led me on and stole my boyfriend. Now you're telling me what I can and can't say to him. Well fuck you!" Blaine snarled.

"Stop it! Both of you!" I snapped. "You're both my friends and you need to stop fighting. Blaine, Sebastian might have been rude about it but he's right. I'm not ready to talk yet. And I don't want you back. We're just friends now. We were friends before we started going out and we can be friends again so _please _just calm down."

Blaine didn't say anything. He just shot me a hurt look and stomped childishly from the room. Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"So..." Jeff started a little awkwardly. "You two want to hang out? We could watch a movie in our room or something."

"Sure," I said. "Might as well do something to take my mind off the drama. I'll talk to Blaine later when he's calmed down. You in Sebastian?"

"Got nothing better to do."

I shuffled my mostly finished homework into my bag and we headed for our bedroom. The four of us managed somehow to comfortably fit on Jeff's bed together, sitting up against the headboard as we argued over what movie to watch. Jeff wanted The Dark Knight. Nick argued for Lord of the Rings. Sebastian kept insisting that we just watch porn instead. I watched them all with amusement.

"What do you want Kurt?" Jeff finally interrupted.

"Sorry guys but I have to go with Jeffy. Dark Knight sound pretty good right now." I shrugged.

Nick just sighed in defeat and Sebastian shrugged, slinging an arm around my shoulders. I let him keep it there. It was warm and comforting.

About half way through the movie I found myself cuddled up to Jeff with Sebastian spooning me from behind and Nick doing the same with Jeff. It was a nice big snuggle fest.

I watched Jeff watch the movie. His bright eyes were lit up with excitement as he babbled over the total insanity of The Joker. I smiled and nudged my nose against his cheek. He paused his chatter to let his eyes flicker to mine. With a little smile he pressed our mouths together. Sebastian shifted from behind me to peek over my shoulder. I pulled my lips away from Jeff's and raised an eyebrow.

"What? Don't stop on my account," the head Warbler smirked.

"Pervert," I teased.

"And proud of it," he laughed.

I looked at him for a moment and he looked at me. Suddenly with out really being sure what was happening I was twisting around to kiss him and he was kissing me back. Our lips were smashing together, getting caught on teeth and soothed by tongue. Hands yanked at clothes and hair as he turned me fully to face him. Legs tangled and hips jerked together, pushing our arousals together. We just didn't know how to do gentle when we were together. It was all clashing teeth and grasping fingers and frantic grinding.

"Umm..."

I forcefully pulled my face away for a moment to look around, abruptly remembering that we weren't alone. Nick and Jeff were watching us, the movie on pause. Nick looked a strange mixture of amusement and arousal. Jeff's cheeks were bright pink and his ears flushed red. His pupils were dilated and he unconsciously ran his tongue over his lips.

I swallowed hard. Jeff had never really looked at me like that before and it was kind of thrilling. I didn't break eye contact with the blond as Sebastian started mouthing my neck, causing my mouth to open in surprise as I let out a hum of pleasure.

"I thought we'd all decided against watching porn," I breathed in Sebastian's ear as I watched our friends' eyes on us. Nick's were following his hand as it smoothly undid the buttons of my shirt. Jeff's gaze was more focused our jerking hips.

"Guess they'll have to just have to join us instead then," he smirked.

I flushed. "_Sebastian_!"

He chuckled as he nipped at my now bare chest. He gave my ass a firm squeeze and I gasped.

"Kurt?" Jeff's voice was soft as he moved toward me with questioning eyes.

I smiled and gave him a nod. He let out a sigh of relief and pushed forward to kiss me. Nick gave in as well with a little laugh and curved his body around Jeff's, kissing his shoulders as the blond sucked his way down my neck until his mouth met Sebastian's. I felt Nick's hands sliding over my stomach and my breath hitched a little when it went lower, rubbing my straining arousal through my pants, his knuckles brushing up against Sebastian's clothed cock due to the closeness of our bodies.

Sebastian gently pulled back from Jeff and looked down at me, all flushed and shirtless with Nick's hands making me buck my hips and Jeff's lips, which had attached to my right nipple, causing me to moan. His fingers skimmed my cheek.

"Wow Kurt. You're so pretty like this. Just so so pretty."

My heart stopped. I was choking, smothered. Someone was touching me and it was dark and I was scared. I was absolutely terrified. He kept telling me that I was pretty. He couldn't stop telling me how pretty I was.

I was so dirty now. I was ruined. I was broken.

I squirmed and shoved and struggled to get away, calling out for my boyfriend in a voice that was too weak to make more than a strangled whisper.

"Blaine. Blaine please. Someone. Anyone. Jeff. Nick. Sebastian. Blaine. Save me. Blaine. Please. Blaine. Blaine."

I squeezed my eyes shut so tightly that it hurt. The hands weren't touching me anymore. I wrapped my arms around my knees and hugged them close in an attempt to be as small as possible. In an attempt to just disappear.

"I'm sorry. Oh my god Kurt I'm so sorry. I forgot. It was so stupid. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

My eyes snapped open.

I was huddled in the corner of the room rocking back and forth and silently crying as I whimpered my exboyfriend's name which died on my lips as soon as I realized what I was doing.

Sebastian was kneeling a few feet away whispering apologizes repeatedly like some sort of prayer for penance. He looked wrecked with regret and anguish.

Jeff and Nick were closer to me but they weren't touching me either. Jeff's hand hovered near my shoulder like he was afraid to make contact. His lips trembled and his eyes were heartbroken. Nick's fingertips brushed my knee as if he was trying to comfort me without scaring me off.

"Are you alright," Jeff asked gently when he saw that my eyes had opened.

I swallowed hard and shrugged, looking away. Why had Sebastian called me pretty? I hated being called pretty. Pretty was disgusting and filthy and so very weak and ruined. Pretty was what that man had called me when he ripped away my innocence.

"I don't know," I finally said hoarsely.

"Would you like to talk?" Nick murmured sadly.

I seriously considered his offer before shaking my head.

"Can we hug you?" Jeff asked. "Is that ok?"

"Ya."

Nick took my left hand and let his shoulder press against mine as he leaned his head on top of mine. Jeff carefully put his arms around me and laid his head on my shoulder. "You looked so scared. You looked at us like we were monsters. Kurt I wish there was something I could do. I don't ever want to see you so terrified again."

"It's alright," I said numbly, slipping one of my arms around him, hugging him back and giving Nick's hand a squeeze. .

Sebastian finally stopped his stream of apologies. "I keep messing up with you. I care about you so much. You know I didn't mean to say that. You just seem so happy sometimes that I forget that I need to be careful with you. I'm sorry Kurt. Please forgive me."

"It wasn't your fault. There's nothing to forgive." I said honestly. "Just please don't ever call me pr-pr-pretty." I stuttered over the word with a wince.

"I won't. Not ever again," he promised fervently.

I released Nick and Jeff to hold my arms out at Sebastian for a hug. He crawled forward on his knees to embrace me. After a moment of hugging we all got up off of the hard floor and climbed into bed to finish our movie.

I ended up falling asleep before the ending with Sebastian, Jeff, and Nick surrounding me in supportive comfort.

**Ending Note:**** I'm sorry that the smut got cut off before it could really get started! I swear on my life that next chapter there will be a full Kurt/Sebastian sex scene. It just takes a bit of time.**

**Also there will be more Blaine in the next chapter.**

**No I'm not trying to bash Blaine in this chapter. He's just hurt at how quickly Kurt moved on and suddenly seems interested in all of their friends except Blaine. **

**Please review! I'll try to get a new chapter up as soon as I can!**


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